Back in November, I had a total hip replacement. This was certainly not my first surgery, but it has been one of my more difficult ones.
I’m used to being independent. Being able to do everything for myself and go where I want, when I want.
This surgery has left me going on week 7 of not being able to drive yet. I’m still walking with a cane. I still have to lift my leg to get it in the bed, or in the car. I’ve lost a lot of my independence.
But it’s also times like these, that make me grateful to live in our multi-gen home.
I would be so much more alone if I didn’t have my parents living with us. My husband wasn’t able to take time off for my recovery, other than the day that I had the surgery.
If they weren’t here, how would I get to the grocery store? How would I get to my doctor’s appointments, physical therapy sessions? How would I take my kids to the doctor, if they needed it?
So, how do you help a loved one after surgery?
If you find yourself in a situation like mine, or the family or friend of someone like me, you may be wondering how you can help. Below I have 5 tips for how to help:
- Pay them a visit. Just because they live in a multi-gen home (or even if they don’t), don’t think they don’t need you to stop by and see how they are doing. Having visitors can help lift spirits, which aids in recovering from surgery.
- Bring over food. I had a few friends offer to bring food over. I appreciated the offers very much, but truth is, I hated to ask for help. If you couldn’t tell from my, I like to be independent, paragraph above. And sometimes, the decision of what to eat, is overwhelming. If you want to bring over food, bring it – trust me, they won’t turn it down. And if you’re not sure what to bring – give them a gift card to their favorite restaurant. It will be appreciated.
- Hire a cleaner. We already have cleaners come and help every couple of weeks, so this one isn’t a big deal for us. But for other people, this would be a huge help while they are recovering. Some surgeries you can’t bend over, or lift anything heavier than 10lbs, so having someone come and take care of cleaning is a huge burden lifted.
- Call. I love texting, I really do. In fact, I prefer it over talking on the phone. However, if someone has just had surgery, calling them to check on them will mean a lot. Hearing someone’s voice on the phone can really help with any depression that may happen after surgery, especially if it was a major operation. But if you can’t make the phone call, at the very least, text them regularly to let them know you’re thinking of them.
- Offer to take them out. A lot of surgeries you aren’t allowed to drive for a period of time. In some cases, it may be only a few days. In others, it may be weeks, or even months. It is very hard to be dependent on other people to take you to places you want to go. So give them an opportunity to get out of the house they may otherwise not get.
Living all together helps tremendously when you have surgery.
Having family living together relieves some burdens during recovery. It was I think, close to 2 weeks before I had enough strength and stamina to make myself simple things to eat. I had to rely on my family to help feed me during the early stages of recovery. Especially since I didn’t ask friends to bring over food.
I had to rely on my husband (and my mom) to help me shower for the first few weeks. Simple things, like preparing a meal or showering can be very difficult. It can be hard to lose the independence you had prior to surgery. Even when you know it’s temporary. But having help makes it easier.
How do you help loved ones when they’ve had surgery or an illness?