How do you decide when living all together, what the roles and responsibilities are? Who does the cleaning, cooking, children, house maintenance, yard work, etc? How do you make it work?
Having clearly defined roles and responsibilities in the household makes living together much easier. But it takes a little time and work to get it all sorted out. Read on below for what we do in our family.
Cleaning
We decided as a family early on that we would prefer to hire a cleaning service. Every 2 weeks a cleaning service comes and we share the cost.
We decided on a cleaning service because of us working full time and my parents watching the girls. Neither of us wanted to have to do it all the time. Since they only come every 2 weeks, we still have daily cleaning and upkeep to do. But having the major things done by someone else takes a big burden off our family.
But if getting the house cleaned by professionals isn’t in the cards for you, then I recommend listing out everything that needs to be done in the house and how often it should be done. Then the family decides how to divide up the chores, so the cleaning is not falling on one person only.
Whatever is decided, making sure everyone agrees is key to keeping the peace in the household.
Yard work
Similar to the house cleaning, we have someone help with the yard work. I physically have a hard time now with my hip issues, even though I actually don’t mind working in the yard. So having someone to come keep the yard neat is something we build into our budget.
If you decide to have someone come, shop around to make sure you are getting everything you want for the price. Most places (at least here) are reasonable and you can get everything done for around $20-$30 a week.
But if someone in the house loves to do yard work, then great! To keep things fair, then I would suggest not giving them as many indoor chores to keep up with (at least during the busy seasons).
Cooking
I wrote a post not too long ago about how to handle too many cooks in the kitchen. Check it out here.
We do a mix in our house, some meals we cook together, others we cook separately. When we can, we choose recipes that can easily be adjusted for everyone’s tastes. Then we just tweak some ingredients for whoever needs it. And then other days, I end up cooking after others have had their meal.
The big thing with cooking is again deciding who will be doing it. Maybe you have someone that loves to cook in the house. Or maybe everyone hates it and ordering out works better for you. Having the discussion as to what you want it to look like is integral to a happy household.
Children
I saved this one for last, because it can be the most complicated. I think sometimes there is worry when combining households about how involved everyone will be in raising children in the house.
But they do say it takes a village to raise kids.
We wanted my parents involvement with the girls – that’s part of the whole reason of living together! I make sure my girls understand that when Eric and I are at work, they have to obey and listen to their grandparents, including any discipline that is needed.
Sometimes issues come up that my mom and I discuss when they occur to have a united front. Just like parents hopefully do when there are different opinions. My parents respect how we are raising our children and know that it may be a little different than how they raised me, but key things remain the same.
They know I expect our girls to be polite, use their manners, and be kind. When I was working full time, I left any day-to-day chores to the discretion of my mom. She and I have an understanding of what each other expects, so this works for us.
But I still recommend you sit down and talk about what each side expects. And come to an agreement of what raising the kids will look like. For us, part of the agreement is that evenings and weekends, they are off duty. This means, should Eric and I want to go out without the kids one night or weekend, I try not to ask my parents to watch the girls. Sometimes things happen, but usually I try and find a sitter instead.
Other topics
These were the main ones we were concerned with when moving in. But if you have additional topics, you can take the ideas from above and adjust them to what you need.
Whether it’s caring for other elderly people in the house, pets, house maintenance, or car maintenance, the main idea is to have the discussion. Everyone needs to talk about what the expectations are and come to an agreement.
Doing that, will make the roles and responsibilities work.